So instead of going through each month of last year and summarizing them, which I find quite boring, especially during months that you really didn’t have as much going on, I’ve decided to recap 2012 with a list of what I already love about 2013.
1. I love new beginnings. I love that I feel better at 33 than I did at 23 or even in my teens, and that I will never try to hide my age or weight. I am 32 pounds less than my highest weight a few years back at 238, and I plan to break the 200 mark in the next few months. No powders, no diets, no potions, no surgeries, no doctors, no pills, no magic. Just my tennis shoes beating on the floor, pushing me to new limits. Just small decisions about fruit and veggies and food. I refuse to even call it a “weight loss journey,” because I think that misses the mark. It’s a journey – a path of new choices, educating myself about what goes in my body, how much, when, where. For me, it’s just been that – what goes in and how much I move. I love that my partner and sister joined the YMCA with me this year, and that now I have twice the opportunities to go work out AND accountability. I feel great.
2. I love my age. I don’t really understand this age thing – people talk about getting older on facebook, going to bed at 10 or 11, staying in for the night, not liking loud neighbors, and the like. I don’t think this has anything to do with the amount of “years” you have accumulated on the Gregorian calendar. I was always like this – I never partied much, I usually went to bed before midnight, and loud neighbors, well, they were always annoying, in college and a decade later. I think people hide behind age, as if it’s some sort of veil to try new things, or an excuse to not have more adventures. It’s like once they cross a number threshold, they can’t “do” certain things, and then they imagine a list of what “things” this entails, and it makes them feel more justified about their mundane, mediocre life. Age is just relative. I’ve learned this year that life really is about the process, and products don’t even really exist. Just more processes.
3. I love being a vegetarian, and I cannot wait to look for new recipes in the new year. The more I learn about food, the more I realize that raw fruits, veggies, nuts, beans, and whole grains are really the only things humans should be digesting. Does that mean I always follow through with this? Hell no, but it doesn’t mean I’m completely giving up either. Eating in a different way has been a process, an adventure. Choosing not to eat meat is not a deficit, but rather a new way to add healthy, delicious, cheaper options to our food palette.
4. I love Amber. I love that she has decided to go on this journey with me, however long that may be. She’s really a true Gemini, and has kept me on my toes with all of her dreams, as I’m sure I’ve done with her, too. I love that she’ll get up and go to Savannah, Georgia or anywhere else at a moment’s notice. I love that she’s writing poetry in another room right now as we speak. I love that she has the same energy level as me – seems superficial, but damn, I do like to move and get shit done, and I’ve finally found someone that can keep up. In fact, she thinks I’m slow sometimes!
5. I love Fred and Dante and Bailey. Fred is not the most low-maintenance dog. In fact, I would venture to say that he is a high-maintenance hound. He stinks, he’s dirty, he’s naughty, and is quite stubborn. Suffice to say I am not surprised that we ended up with this beautiful, complex man. Dante and Bailey are loving the new house, their new spots in the basement, their new life hear on the far east side of Madison. I know I am, too.
6. I love our sky blue, ranch house. When I first saw this house last summer, I told Amber no from the beginning. My “dream” house has always been an updated, 1920’s bungalow with cherry woodwork, beautiful detail, winding staircase, the works. I realized that for our first house, this is fantastic. We’ve done a lot of work to it in the last 18 months, and it really is different having our “own” dirt, our own walls and floors, our own colors. I never realized how much I would love being able to make my own decisions about my place of being, my home. I love that we do not allow white walls in the house – they are so sterile, so blank, like white noise that will never have a voice.
7. I love my family, my sisters especially this year. They are truly my best friends. They are the first people I go to when I have a problem, and we share a lot of the same values, belief systems, political views, and even extracurricular activity choices. I know that’s a rarity, and I cherish them immensely.
8. I love my PhD program. At first I thought it was ironic that I was getting a PhD in Curriculum and Instruction, given that my background is primarily English. However, by taking advantage of the courses, philosophies, and people that came along with this program over the last four years, I’ve had the chance now to start thinking and writing about safe(r) spaces for queer youth in one of the most amazing and compelling schools in the United States. For that reason alone, I am so grateful we picked up and moved to Mad-town in the summer of 09 for this adventure. I’m going to be Dr. Mel Freitag in six months. I’m thinking about going back to the original pronunciation of Freitag, which is quite intimidating, as intimidating as German names can be. A little roll of the r and emphasizing the “g” sound in the back of my throat should do it. I plan to enter a class one day and introduce myself as “Dr. FrY-Tah-gh!” Maybe I’ll even wear my glasses on the tip of my nose and put my hair back in a tight bun. Yeah. That would fucking rock.
9. I love traveling, and I told Amber last night when we were listing some of our resolutions (I think it’s so important to have them, by the way; otherwise, what is the point?) that we really have to travel more in 2013. I have Philadelphia planned for February for an Ethnography in Education conference (yes, big dork, and I am really looking forward to it), but this summer is wide open. Last year, we were saving money and had Amber’s niece Desi over for two weeks (SO MUCH FUN!). This year, we still want to have Desi come, and we have four big weddings to attend (we’re in two of them), but I want to do a big trip that does NOT involve work or portfolio reviews or career paths – this summer 2013. In fact, if we can swing it, Rotterdam is looking like quite a gorgeous possibility. We know a beautiful couple that lives there and has offered their home for us to stay. They are also vegan and great cooks, so that’s just a plus. We could take the train to Germany and France and Belgium, so yeah, Europe 2013, watch out.
10. I love Madison. It has diversified quite a bit in the last five years, especially in the schools. I used to think of Madison as just a white place that white people went to to watch football games and drink, but it’s so much more than that. Amber and I have become local foodies, trying out new Thai places, recommending the best Italian and Mexican and dessert joints for people to try. I love being aware and around others that share the same mindset of building off of a local, organic, mindful, educated society. Madison is the most sustainable place I’ve ever lived – and it has great bike trails.
11. I love blogging. One of my goals for 2013 is to write more. We had a lawyer come visit one of our Diverse Learner courses this year, and talked about some educational policy and law to the class. When he came in to meet me before his presentation, he said, “Mel Freitag, right? I googled you.” Now whenever someone says this to me, I immediately think they are going to find one of my feminist writings from undergrad about having your period and being proud of it, or something equally as political and offensive. I kinda like that. However, he said, “You are quite a prolific blogger.” Now I know that I have a website up, thanks to the fascinatingly talented Mario Stylianou, Jr, but I never considered myself a blogger that, well, blogs. Apparently the lawyer valued quality over quantity. When I say I want to blog more, it doesn’t mean I’m going to set aside a linear goal like once a day or week or month. It just means that when I am sitting like a blob on our beautiful, chocolate brown micro-suede couch, instead of watching another episode of Sister Wives and/or The Duggars, I may just start writing about how these shows emphasize the heterosexual matrix with extremely patriarchal underpinnings by their language, behavior, procreation decisions, and the like. Maybe.
12. I love researching. I research when I think I’m not. I research when I’m supposed to be “really” researching. I look up resources for people for commercial breaks. I plan itineraries for others and myself. One of my old friends used to say – “Mel, you make it look like you have already made a decision, and you know all the logistics behind that decision before it happens. When it’s going to take place, why, how, what.” That does mean I’ll actually follow through with the decision, but I like options. Options that have practical and detailed plans attached to them, like little addendums of opportunity. That’s all researching is, really. A place to go in your brain and imagine vignettes of what may be. One of my other friends used to ask me, Mel, why do you think about things you don’t know? Like the Pocahontas song – things you never knew you never knew? Yeah, well, the reason I think about the unknowns is that they may become knowns sometime in the near future 🙂 We’ll see.
13. I love spirituality. I don’t love religion – nor any institution where you have to stand up and sit down on command. I don’t like conforming, but I do like thinking about different ways to be. I tried out the Unitarian Universalist service a few times last year, and I have to say, I did get something out of it. It was white and for the most part, middle to upper class. It was overly intellectual and sometimes boring. However, I love the freedom to be able to choose how I think and pray and send good vibes. I’m excited to start 2013 reading about Buddhism, Paganism, and other ways of believing and seeing the world.
2013 may become the year of Enlightenment for Mel B. Freitag. It’s safe to say that I’ll be writing and thinking about safe places and sanctuaries this year – whether it relates to education or food or spirituality or the literal walls that surround me. Aesthetics are not superficial; they are quite the opposite. When we think about what physical places absorb us, maybe we realize that we absorb them just as much. We are enmeshed within these spaces, these bodies, these physical realities. Where we are is who we are. The mind/body duality is a hoax, a farce, a false binary. The seemingly simple terrains in which we find our beings are complex, always changing, and these artifacts are small decisions that become processes, that become reminders of our mortality and humanity.
