I have lost 50 pounds, but it has taken me four years. Yup, long time. Really, the last 25 pounds lost have been in the last six months because I have been working out every day and upping the intensity to the next level(s), but my healthy lifestyle began long before that.
Today while I was running, I decided to come up with a new mini-goal. Really, that’s all we have – mini goals. I imagined that every minute I ran, I would dedicate to a different obesity-related disease or ailment. Morbid maybe, but it worked today. Some days, it may be a new song that works or something interesting on the news or a text message I receive and answer while running (multi-tasking is my thang). Today, it was obesity-related minute dedications. This minute is dedicated to high blood pressure. The next minute is dedicated to diabetes. The next minute is dedicated to depression. The next minute is dedicated to heart disease. I dedicate this one to fertility. This one to cancer. This one to (fill in the blank). And so on. I made it to my 29:44 minutes with ease, and got off the treadmill, drenched in sweat, ready for the rest of the evening.
When I was thinking about the obesity-related diseases, I remembered the list I created back in the summer of 2009. I have posted it below. The funny thing is – four years later, I’m confident to say that I may need to add to this list because I’m reaping the rewards of healthy living / exercise /diet / mindset. My blood pressure last week was a whopping 98/71 the other day, with a pulse rate of 68. I can move in my sleep and I can fit in chairs. If I’m in danger, I would not only run THREE miles, hell, I could run TEN miles without stopping and be fine. Ready for some water, maybe, but fine and alive and well. And I HAVE climbed mountains and went on lonnnnggg bike rides while traveling, and continue to do so.
I still don’t count calories. I don’t do points or fat content or feel guilty for eating. Period. I still have cheese curds and a Spotted Cow every once and awhile. I still eat pizza. And not the nasty, Nutri-system or low fat cheese kind. No, the GOOD kind. I’ve learned to savor the food that I love, but not savor it to the point where I can’t even taste it anymore. I’ve been a student of nutrition. Everything I read on nutrition keeps whispering one phrase – one simply yet so complex change – EAT MORE VEGGIES. Lol. And fruit and beans, sure. My philosophy on eating has changed – I believe we’re herbivores that got something horribly wrong, and now we’re killing ourselves because of what we’re eating. Over 60% of diseases and illnesses are related to obesity. What is obesity directly linked to? Diet. Literally. I’ve learned to cut out all meat, most dairy, many processed foods, and even get rid of some wheat. My journey was never cold turkey. Ha ha. There was no magic diet or pill or powder or doctor’s visit or surgery or prescription that I tried.
I’m never going to be 117 pounds again, nor do I want to be. My biceps alone most likely weigh over 20 pounds 🙂 I can bench press with the best of ’em. I’ve been known to move furniture in skirts, and I’m a fierce femme. All the way. I still want to be able to kick some ass. My goal was 160 four years ago, and today I’m 28.5 pounds away from that. 28.5 pounds is doable. After losing 50, hell, I feel like anything is possible. When I was at my highest weight at 238, I said “I don’t want to be who I was anymore”. When I started to lose weight, I would look in the mirror and see a different person I was afraid of. It was easy to hide behind the layers – somehow I felt like people would be able to see “me” more if I was fat. Or at least there was a buffer (literally) between me and the rest of the world. Today, I am open. As Rebecca, my boot camp teacher says, chest is proud – and chest is open! Today, I am 188.5 pounds, and I feel ready to conquer the world, open to possibility, change, CHANGE, and the ability and power to be able to change your body, change your soul. I know it sounds corny, but during this journey, my philosophy on life has changed. Exercising, listening to my breathing (thank you, Sandy Lin), has forced me (yes, that is the correct word), to slow down and live in the moment. Not be afraid of the future – I used to be afraid of being thinner. That’s right. What would it mean to feel good in my body again? To feel healthy? That was scarier than staying right where I was at. Still, we all reach a point sometimes where we don’t want to be who we are, NOR who we were. We want to create a new(er) self, a person that is beautiful today. Not nostalgic or melancholy or anxious about what is going to happen or could/would/should come to pass.
50 pounds, three sizes, and all the blood (yes, that’s right), sweat and tears later, I am happy to say that I look in the mirror and see me, today. Not the 17 year old, 117 pound me. And not the 29 year old, 238 pound me, but the me today, however I am. Whenever we start boot camp and people say they are nervous, I just think of that old Nirvana song – “Come/As you are”. That’s all. Come as you are. Do what you can. If Eric asks you to do weird ass push ups or sprint at 12 mph and you don’t think you can, do what you can. Still move. Still try to do a variation of it. That’s all we can do, right? Just adapt to our mini goals, and realize that they aren’t going to turn out exactly like we expected, nor should they. The only constant is change, and our bodies are no exception.
1. I want to have babies. Since it may cost a lot to even try to have them, I want to up my chances of even getting preggers by being at a healthy weight and having healthy things in my body.
2. I don’t want to have blood pressure medication at the age of 40. Any medication is expensive, and most health problems it seems are caused by some sort of unhealthy patterns.
3. I want to be able to move around when I’m sleeping. I want to be more agile and not have my arms or legs fall asleep after sitting in the same place for one hour.
4. I want to live past the age of 70. I may even write a book titled, “Why are there no obese people over the age of 70?” There’s a reason for that.
5. If I’m in danger and need to run for whatever reason, I want to know I can go at least three miles without getting tired.
6. I’m really getting into nutrition over calories. I don’t want to go back to thinking that a 100 calorie pack that is packed with preservatives is much better than a savory, 250 calorie meal of rice and fresh roasted vegetables.
7. I realized that I am never going to be 117 pounds and size 0 again (like I was when I was 17), nor do I want to. I felt better at 160 pounds and size 12, so that’s my healthy goal. However, I know I’m not going to look the same (the last time I was 160 pounds was when I was 21, and now I’m 29). I don’t want to be the same person I was anymore.
8. When I travel, I want to climb mountains and go on bike rides.
9. I commit to always adding to this list.
10. As I shed the pounds, I’m also shedding the extra “weight” I’ve literally carried around with me. For example, I now only have clothes in my closet that I wear (no bins of dusty clothes that haven’t been worn since 1998). I’m not holding on to that anymore for protection or hiding or whatever, just like I’m not holding on to the weight.
